Because it wasn’t ever really what you cared to do,
you do it badly. You see to all the paperwork,
prescriptions, petty cash for laundry and
the odds and ends that keep things running.
Her aides see to her body’s needs, but
no one's in your mother’s house to
sit with her and love her, to feed her heart
which keeps on beating, feeling, knowing that
sit with her and love her, to feed her heart
which keeps on beating, feeling, knowing that
it’s lonely. You wish you were the kind of daughter
who could care for her because she'd taught you how.
who could care for her because she'd taught you how.
Instead, you pass her building every day, in disbelief
you are still wounded by the ways she failed you,
you are still wounded by the ways she failed you,
clenching teeth to try and stop the tears,
you go to dinner with a friend, as if your heart’s not broken.
Devastating.
ReplyDeleteBrutal honesty, guts, gore, and real love. Hmm, that's something I can feel here. Much love and light to you, sister. Love and light to your Mom as well. She is held in the arms of the beloved in each and every moment, without fail, without pause. For that matter, so are you.
ReplyDeleteParents and children -- so many complicated feelings, certainly nothing so easy as black and white. You are not alone, dear Riva.
ReplyDeleteWith all the pain, anger, and sorrow, you found a way to raise two warm and loving daughters.
ReplyDeleteIn all your actions you've broken Mintzie's hold. What's left is a shadow on your soul that you will have enough time to erase.
Like the beautiful, strong green plants that push their way through the pavement, so has your spirit done what it could to bypass the pain to provide such fierce Love for your daughters and the generations to come.....
ReplyDeleteLove to All!